we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
