Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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