Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
