wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
