OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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