She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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