We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
