I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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