I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
