I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think my vagina is haunted
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
