just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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