your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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