No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
