before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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