How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
