I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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