You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
