my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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