You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
