Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
