If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
