There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
