Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
