We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
