it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
