No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
