I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
