You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
