I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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