You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
