i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The struggles of a small town man whore
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
