what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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