And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
you never un-have a 4some
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
