idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My balls are so social today.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Boobs are out for the taking
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
