At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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