he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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