for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
