She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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