And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
