He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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