Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
