there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
