I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
