Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The uberlube is also flammable
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
