okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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