OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
