Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
