Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
