right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
