Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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