I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
