it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
