Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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