As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
