Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
