i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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