omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
