Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
