R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
