I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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