Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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