You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
